So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
porn star boner night. come get it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
