Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
