Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
