the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
