WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
