That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
