omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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