She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
