I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
