The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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