i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
only if we run a train.
done.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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