I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
