We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
