until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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