Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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