I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
