the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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