Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
