I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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