I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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