I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
