Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
