Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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