just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry about my life...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
