id be glad to
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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