after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
