Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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