gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
