Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize