Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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