Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
