using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize