Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
