I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
