I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
