I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
