we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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