Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
