My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
