at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
