this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
