Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
