blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
