Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
