I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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