My sheets look like a crime scene.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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