roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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