dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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