It's Friday. Sex?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
