grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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