I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
