uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
