So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
