I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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