So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
