Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
