I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize