So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
