Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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