Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
