I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
