pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
