I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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