he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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