Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm like, not good at living.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
