i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Congratulations! We have a period
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
